CCK is a bitch, and I am her whore.

[Backdated.]

I like to be adventurous, and I like CCK, and so I thought having an adventure to attend a CCK social would be a good thing to do. Throughout my course, I had no opportunity to go to any of these, even though Maxine had been organising them every month for two years. Yeah. And so... was it a good idea to go?

No.

It was perhaps one of the best decisions of my life.

Describe me. No, really. Go on, describe me. Sexually. Am I vanilla? Maybe a little kinky? Would I feel comfortable in a setting full of people who are outright dirty in practically any way imaginable? My mind flashes back to a conversation I had with Syren, in which I showed her some pictures from Woodcraft holidays I took, like licking chocolate off boobs. She claimed that, even in that setting, she may suddenly go somewhat exhibitionist, the sexual energy being that strong. Well, that was nothing compared to tonight.

Coming straight from Oxford, I was the first there. Fortunately, I was saved from the embarrassing situation of asking if I could go in 45 minutes earlier than anyone was due to get there by the sudden appearance of a girl named Serena, who mentioned the name "Maxine Green," a pretty good indication that she was, indeed, a CCK person, unless there are more Maxine Greens around than you'd originally think. I introduced myself to her, using my real name for want of a short hook people could remember, and we soon decided to wait for the others by way of sitting down and immediate introduction to her polyamorously dating four people and being a member of the House of Joy group by extension. (This house, by the way, doesn't have a website like the Fivegeeks house in Canterbury. I've looked, and it doesn't as far as I'm aware. But I'm sure you can work out what the "House of Joy" is if you don't already know.)

Gradually more people turned up, Maxine looking more indie than ever, with a mannerism being a more kinky blend of Soldier Girl on her kinder days and a lesbian rock singer I know named Helen. That's about as comparative as it gets, as she is as unique as anything. She was, of course, wearing rabbit ears. It seemed like the natural thing to do, I suppose. Alan was lactose-intolerant and still managed to eat a dessert with cream in. Alana turned up (she used to work in the shop), recognised me and we had a long chat about how much more feminine she was looking these days. Even Sonia turned up (she's the CCK boss, I believe), her foreign twang and big smile very reassuring; she also recognised me. People trickled in through the night and most of them made out with Serena or Maxine at some point during the event.

Conversation strayed from the relatively tame discussion about the fact that Maxine had accidentally left her sex toys out in the house and people were going to look at it, to merrily chatting our way through the various uses of a urethral sound, clit clip and other... items... of interest, to a discussion about the prospect of self-replicating pieces of equipment, in particular printers, which can apparently print bits of themselves out of raw material and self-replicate, causing me to have a brain malfunction and Maxine to have a nerdgasm (she said so on Twitter, so it must be true). I heard the phrase "put all four feet forward" at one point and wondered whether that would be more appropriate for people having group sex or for The Human Centipede.

Did you think of a description for me? Good. Now discard it. I was totally relaxed. It was mentioned that the conversation had been somewhat toned down this evening, but I was really comfortable with the level of filth that we were all talking about - describing the concept of a dirty diagram when people started trading glitter through kisses (I didn't get any, don't worry), and also reflecting on Alan's assertion that vegetarians taste better - I've never tasted a vegetarian, actually, but I've had people taste me, and never had any complaints (barring Soldier Girl, who once told me that I kiss like a hoover). And more - a video of group sex being used as evidence that a house is to be considered a family home? Louis Theroux making a documentary about it? Planning your social life a month or two in advance because you have to spend equal time between partners? Organising a two-hundred-person cuddle/orgy at a festival? Carrying emergency lube, sex toys, and a banana? It all made me smile. And I made people laugh, so I did my job.

Plus, I got to be a third wheel for Jonti and Serena on the journey home, trying to decide whether or not they were genuinely creepy or I was just too tired to think coherently. I think my first clue came when Jonti said he was going to eat my soul. That, and Serena had had some sort of orgasm earlier on after licking out a hot chocolate (I suggested fellating a Calippo, but apparently that's difficult).

TL;DR? I had a fantastic time. I was surrounded by people who were all very highly sexed, dipping their conversation from light geekery into depravity, and yet I felt totally in place. CCK does that to you, I have tended to find. The shop isn't reopened yet, sadly enough, but I'll certainly to go the next one - what with all the shenanigans and the goings-on, a social group like that is just what I need for the necessary assertion that the world. when you look at it from the right angle, is genuinely very, very dirty. And golly gosh, how fun that actually is.