Soft Porn Sunday: Krista Allen & Paul Michael Robinson

I knew I'd get around to doing this one eventually. This is probably the first sex scene I ever downloaded - in reality, that's probably true for lots of people, but as those other people moved on to hardcore, this remained my favourite for a very long time.

Appearance: Emmanuelle In Space 2: A World of Desire (1994)
Characters: Emmanuelle & Haffron

The Emmanuelle in Space series has always been remarkable. Allegedly originally a series, this was made into seven - seven! - full-length films. If the 'being a series' bit is true, then it holds up on account of the fact that there are two (or more) sex scenes per half-hour. It's also filmed in 3D - or so it claims, but the 3D scenes don't really hold up much - bits of the furniture are 3D, but that's about it. And the 3D scenes are filmed in a merry-go-round style, which makes me feel slightly nauseous anyway.

Oh, also, besides the name, it holds no resemblance at all to the original films with Sylvia Kristel. Emmanuelle is now American, rather than French. And there are aliens.

It's cheap, but nobody seems to care. Aliens come to Earth, disguise themselves as humans and explore the boundaries of human sexuality - well, you would, right? And their captain, Haffron (Paul Michael Robinson), finds himself in a bind, from which he's helped by Emmanuelle, played by the mind-meltingly hot Krista Allen. She teaches him how to have sex... and that's it. That's the plot. For seven movies. Occasionally we get Emmanuelle, Haffron, or one of his crew (who all have human names - Theo, Raymond, Tina, Cara, etc. - what happened to alien names? Did they just think of "Haffron" and leave it there?!) having sex with somebody else - in fact, Haffron having sex with random people is a very important part of the plot - but the majority of the sex scenes are straight Emmanuelle/Haffron - and why not? They are the central characters, after all.

So.

This scene happens during the first third of the second movie, A World of Desire. Theo - the goofiest-looking alien of the bunch (Timothy Di Pri) - has been taken to Earth by Emmanuelle, who is meeting up with one of her former lovers, Dirk Langstron (Steve Michaels), who is far too old to be having sex with her, but does a pretty good job of playing the experienced mature man. While Theo's off seducing a farm girl, Dirk approaches Emmanuelle, and then starts to touch her. We cut away to some aliens doing random shit on the spaceship, then cut back to Theo, and then back to Emmanuelle, who's having sex up against the bedpost with Haffron.

There's a point to this, honestly.

There are many reasons I like this. A lot of the fans of this series seem to agree with me. The position looks realistic, Emmanuelle is wearing nothing but a bedrobe (but she's not naked; a nice touch there, actually), the sex is slow and steady (so not unrealistic) and the music, a low thrum with a drum beat, is cool and not distracting. The thrusting movements, the look of Emmanuelle's face, and the fact that Allen curls her fingers around the bedpost - in fact, even the fact that she's holding on at all - gives the impression that this is very intense, very passionate sex. Given the fact that this guy learned how to have sex a day or so ago, he seems to be getting pretty good at it already. Fast learners, these aliens.

But the best thing about this scene, which nobody else seems to mention, is the vocals. With every thrust, Allen lets out a little moan. Only a small one. But it's very, very sexy. Whether she was dubbed on afterwards (and I think she probably was) or not, each moan - different in length and sound - is in time with the position, the thrust, and the music! It's masterful! And she's moaning - that means she's enjoying it! Right?!

With a final moan and a little laugh, she orgasms (or maybe he does, who cares, it's soft porn) and it's all over, after which she says the lines that spoil the whole thing.

"Haffron!"
"The reason for my presence is as follows..."
"You transmuted yourself into Dirk Langstron and came into my room to make love to me?"

Whoah, whoah, whoah. You thought he was Dirk? You'd actually have sex with Dirk? And... is that a form of rape? Call the police, Emmanuelle!

"How romantic."

Oh, so it's all right, then. Happy Valentine's, guys. Let the disrobing in exotic locations recommence.

Sorry, Krista. I know you're trying to leave these films behind, but if I could recommend any softcore sex scene to anyonw, this would be it. It's one of the best. It's filmed well, it's acted well, it conveys the message of sex incredibly well, and it's actually quite a pivotal scene in the series. It's one of the iconic scenes of one of the most successful series of soft porn films in the '90s, and almost an icon for the genre entirely. Seek it out, if you can(along with the rest of the 7 films, if you can stand the accents) - it's genuinely very hot.