I've mentioned Pirates on this blog once before. It's a really odd film for several reasons. One, it's the most expensive porn ever made, with its director Joone claiming it cost up to a million US Dollars. Which brings up a rather random idea for a lyric:
"If I had $1,000,000, I'd make you a porn film... but not a hardcore film, that's cruel."
It is, in fact, a hardcore film. But in another unusual fact for a hardcore porn film: there's a lot of plot, which has clearly been well thought-out and rewritten at least once. In fact, the version I've got has more plot than sex, with most of the high budget going into impressive-looking CGI special effects. There's action, adventure, and genuine acting (although the most convincing comes from Tommy Gunn as the pirate captain, Victor Stagnetti), and although it's been the subject of derision by some people, I kind of like it for what it is.Perhaps the strangest thing about it, however, is that, although it's hardcore, a cut version was released with an R rating in America, and got its UK release with an 18 certificate. I bought it, evidently. And so the 'softcore' version is in my possession, and with the way hardcore scenes are often shot, it's not surprising that the scenes where you don't see anything graphic are pretty short. They're well-cut though; you'd think this were real softcore, should you see it without any background knowledge. Anyway, so let's pick a scene at random...
Appearance: Pirates (2005)
Characters: Jules & Marco
Jesse Jane is billed first, despite not technically being the main character of the film. But she gets a lot of screen time, and engages in the most sex, so that's almost definitely why. She's in a couple of lesbian sex scenes, one of which is actually quite violent - neither of which work for me, alas - but then she's also in a couple of straight ones - a very brief one at the beginning, which is the first time we see her - having sex, giving you an idea of what sort of a person her character is. And then we also see this one later on.
As the plot is complicated for once, I'll give you a brief overview: Jules, who is the first mate on the pirate-hunting boat (captained by Evan Stone as Edward Reynolds, who can't act but looks like he's having a whale of a time trying - he won an AVN award for best actor for Pirates), is on an island on reconnaissance for some potassium nitrate. Really. In a tavern she meets up with Marco, who is an ex-boyfriend. Jules and Marco spar for a bit and appear to not be getting on, until we snap to a scene of them having wild sex. Hmmm, they made up well, then.
As I've stated before, the scenes aren't particularly long, because they are cut down from the original hardcore scenes. But, as I've also stated before, they are cut well, and this is an example of how to do that. The scene starts with - and this is ingenious - a few seconds of confused-looking pirates in the main room of the tavern, hearing the unmistakable cries of sex, with a bit of piratical music very faint. Immediate cut to Jules and Marco having very fast sex, with the music now louder (something I don't think many directors would have thought of) as well as, of course, the soundtrack of moans.
The scene's cut so that you can't see anything explicit, so the variety of positions assumed by Jules and Marco is flicked through quite quickly. But it's seamless, and the sound is dealt with very well too - the music's been overlaid in such a way that it doesn't just jump from one part to another - it's one complete piece of music - and the same can be said for the vocal effects.
Plus, the sex looks great, too. Steven St. Croix (another porn actor with the word "St." in his name, tch!), playing Marco, is probably giving it a bit too much, with his face going red and looking like he's in a lot of pain, but Jesse Jane, as Jules, is really playing up to it a lot, with a lot of fluid movement from her body, expressions on her face with copious usage of eyes and teeth (uhm, if you get what I mean by that...), hair going everywhere, and the fact that she is still wearing some of her bodice - another allusion to the spontaneous nature of sex.
It is over quite quickly - too quickly, in this case - and we end up with another argument between Jules and Marco and then back to the plot. But it's actually a very nice sex scene, and for us softcore lovers, it's a bit of a blessing that they managed to get a version of this film out with enough 'soft' sex in it to still be enjoyed, and even - dare I say it - liked?
Nice try, in any case. Arrr.
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