Spiral

April may be the cruellest month, but January is probably second in the running to that title, being as it is the most depressing, the only thing on the horizon to be considered not cruel is series 2 of Glee, starting on Monday. And yet Glee also makes me sad, because I see people of my age both able to pull off playing people ten years younger, as well as sing, dance and act... all of which I want to do, none of which I am able to. What I am able to do is blog, which is what Jacob does. And yet he is in an American high school student and I am 25 and unemployed.

Single and unemployed. I haven't been that since the age of 17. I'm convinced that one has precipitated the other. Anyway.

So I went to a CCK social last night where, it seemed, everyone had picked up whatever I've got. Seasonal affective disorder, post-Christmas letdown, plain bad luck... people were miserable, unfortunate, or just tired. I had a good time chatting to new CCK recruits Katie and Lone Wolf, but like other people, I'd had enough by about 9pm and left the building, like a less stylish version of Elvis.

Dragged myself home and logged onto the internet, where a random girl in a chatroom consoled me. Fear not, that is all she did. But it was nice to talk to a stranger about problems which don't concern her and actully feel genuine sympathy. Nice people really do exist sometimes. Yet eventually fatigue and general grumpiness forced me to bed, wherein I couldn't sleep, let alone rest, because something was making scratchy noises in my room and for a while I thought we had a ghost. (It turned out to be a roll of wrapping paper sliding against the wall; being alone in bed can be highly affecting.)

I masturbated for the first time in ages, using mt imagination as the tool. It took me a long time to feel relaxed enough to do so. When I climaxed, I felt all the tension, pain and anxiety leave my body. The orgasm lasted for quite a long time, as well. Quite a lot of semen. I rode it out in silence and lay there feeling sufficiently calmed down.

And thus ends my week.

I don't have any plans for this weekend. It's likely that I'll be on MSN at various points. Come and talk to me if you are; I promise I'm not this depressing on MSN (usually). Suggestions for a job are also welcome... but who am I to ask that? I had a dream last night in which my uncle, who is an actor, wanted to cast me in a play because I speek 1337. Now that's a job.