Ain't nobody here but us newsreaders

College today was full of new people. That's right, new intake and all. I walked through the doors in a slightly bemused fashion at 11am this morning and was surrounded by students with goofy American accents shouting things like, "oh my gawd... nu ciddy... nu me, yunno?" They were everywhere. It's like some sort of swarm. Last year, when I was in their position, I maintained myself as an outsider for quite a while (read: did EVERYTHING ON MY OWN) before I settled into the more established route of collecting "friends". This crowd, it seemed, had already learned how to hunt in a pack.

When a friend of mine informed me that an American newsreader named Ernie Anastos had accidentally said "keep fuckin' that chicken" on live TV (watch the clip, it's hilarious), he also noted the expression of Anastos' co-anchor (see fig. 1, left, a woman clearly in a state of extreme shock) after she realised what he'd said. To be honest, I'm not exactly sure what he said. I mean, he clearly said "fuckin' that chicken", but that doesn't really mean anything of any great value (unless you happen to be into that sort of thing).

So what did he mean? Did he mean to say "chokin' that chicken?" In which case, he'd be advocating masturbation on live TV. I'm all for the promotion of masturbation, but it's not really what you'd expect to see in a news segment. It's more likely that he meant to say "pluckin' that chicken", but then again, why the chicken would he want to say that anyway? I mean, it's perhaps the most incongruous statement since Miley Cyrus shouted "Fuck you, motherfucker!" on her most recent teen-friendly DVD (disclaimer: this didn't actually happen, but I want it to). Perhaps he did mean to say "fuck". It sounds like a dare to me.

Not that any of the new students on my course would have any qualms about it. I overheard snatches of a very loud conversation between two of the American transfers today which contained the line "don't have sex, don't have sex standing up, don't have sex lying down, just don't do it." The context of which statement eludes me. Maybe she was just practicing for a seminar she'd give that night on abstinence. I know, that's a very unlikely thing for a girl in her late teens/early twenties to do, but at least if she was, she could always mention what sort of troubles fucking could get you into.

Just ask Ernie Anastos.