Freedom

My sister and her best friend left the house this morning and are now in Paris. Apart from the occasional reminder by the cat that she exists, I haven't seen her much either. And Oxford, good company that he may be, is not much of a conversationalist. So yes, I am in fact pretty much alone at the moment. I have the whole house to myself, and yes, I am actually enjoying it. Yes, a large part of the day has been spent clearing up the mess my sister left in the kitchen... and another, larger part of the day has been spent reading various bits of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, usually accompanied by some form of food, such as the classic Snoffee combination for breakfast, egg mayo sandwiches for lunch and pasta for dinner... I'm making my own food, you understand.

However, I decided that this afternoon, with the house being otherwise vacant and all, I'd try watching some soft porn on my DVD player, something I haven't done before, on account of the fact that I am terribly afeared that somebody may hear the odd music and halted dialogue of the sort of soft porn I enjoy issuing from my TV easier than they would from my computer, over which I wield a certain degree of control. I still don't have a replacement DVD drive for my netbook, and deviant though people may see me, I'm still not going to go and masturbate in the downstairs lounge or back room. So my room and my DVD player it was, then.

Let me remind you at this point that my DVD player doesn't do fast forward, rewind, back skip, front skip or arrow selection. it does go, stop, and open. So anything you put in plays from the start and there's no way of halting, reversing or speeding up the process.

This was a relatively new experience for me. I have, of course, watched softcore films all the way through before. But not sitting/lying on my bed. I have masturbated before to scenes in softcore films. But not intermittently, starting when a scene starts and stopping immediately when it stops - no matter how close I am to the edge. And I certainly hadn't been continuously doing so for so long that one film actually ended and I had to start another one. But I certainly did all of these today. My new-found freedom expressing itself in a not totally unexpected way also resulted in me feeling a little blissed out by the time I was two-thirds of the way through the second film. I was still turned on, but in an odd, dreamlike way, becoming more disengaged from what was happening on the TV and feeling more disconnected from the world.

Something else I hadn't clocked was the fact that I'd spent an hour and a half bringing myself to the edge of orgasm and then stopping. This wasn't a deliberate act... it just happened that way. And when the orgasm came (or I did), lying flat on my back with my eyes closed (the sounds of soft porn music being the stimulus, with visualisations in my head), it was the closest thing to a multiple orgasm I've ever experienced, with very intense bursts of pleasure rocking my body, making me arch my back, drawing in heavy, audible breaths as I felt cum hit my stomach, chest, hands and neck.

It took me a while to clean myself up as I lay there in a haze for a while. I eventually managed to drag myself up, stop the DVD, mop myself clean and use the toilet, before I stumbled back to my bed. Naked. Feeling like I'd be celebrating ENMA after all (@10yearsin, what have you done?), I flopped down onto the bed, all resistance gone, letting the post-orgasmic urge to rest take me, lying on top of my duvet feeling utterly blissful.

As I drifted away, I felt truly free.