So, you're all up to speed with the fact that my dreams are strange, yes? Well, gather around, children, for I am about to tell you something genuinely chilling. I am going to relate to you the fact that I had a nightmare.
This wasn't just any nightmare. It was a nightmare beyond the boundaries of fear. One that shook me to the bone and made my pulse race so fast that my lungs tore open with gasps of desperate breath and my brain threatened to burst free from my head.
Brace yourself.
I dreamed that I was unable to have sex.
This was so horrific a realisation, and so difficult an admission, that I had to force myself into reporting this horrible fact via the medium of blogging.
And yet I was so upset that as I wrote the blog post, tears rolled down my cheeks, and I was explaining things using that most shocking of typography... ALL CAPITAL LETTERS.
But it's okay, really. Because I woke up the following morning and after about an hour of being awake I was having sex, so... no problems there then.
But still... The horror! The HORROR!
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