Whole lot of nothing?

[Backdated.]

I started doing NaBloPoMo at the beginning of this month not because I wanted to show off being able to write a vaguely coherent blog post ever day. I was fully aware of the fact that I'd need to backdate some entries. In fact, if you scroll back through the month you'll find that a lot of these entries are backdated. That's not really my fault. I've written the right amount of entries, if not exactly at the right times. I've put in as much effort as I can. Does that count as a fail or not? It doesn't really matter, to be honest.

I started doing NaBloPoMo in order to chronicle what I was doing with my life, due to the fact that at the beginning of this month I'd lost both job and girlfriend. I've no idea exactly what I thought the situation would eventually be at the end of the month, but I'm pretty sure I imagined it as being more dynamic than it is at the moment. I've got my girlfriend back (that much is evident if you've been reading these posts) and I had a mini crisis in the middle of the month, which thankfully didn't take hold, but I don't have a job.

Not really. There's been ad-hoc work for a few days here and there, but I'm not in possession of a permanent or even temporary job. No real solution.

I started the month by applying to a job I really wanted. In fact, it's the only job I've seen, ever, which I thought would be perfect for me. I haven't had much of a response from it - I've had two contacts from the company, both of which seem to indicate that they don't quite understand where my application's coming from. It's not a no, but it's sure as hell far from a yes. I'm now assuming that I won't get that one. Which makes me very, very sad. I worked ad-hoc after this and have applied for four other jobs. Things which require writing skills and experience with the internet. Yeah, I'm predictable.

Plus three agencies and one more job I applied for today. That makes nine routes into getting a job and no responses from any. But then again, I wasn't expecting much of a response. It would have been nice, of course.

I've also spent a considerable amount of time putting together a portfolio of reviews and articles (although mostly reviews) I've done in the past, ranging from the videogaming website I was a staff member of to the student newspaper I wrote reviews for and back to the monthly "magazine" I wrote and published (via an inkjet printer and home PC) by myself, from the ages of 11 to 16. Scouring, scanning, and typing up every damn word. The scans aren't great quality and, much as I like my own writing - even the reviews I may use from when I was about 15 - all this typing, when I know Im not going to use much of it, is a bit tedious. Nevertheless, a lot of the jobs I want require a portfolio, and if they want one they can have one.

The most galling thing, however, is that I know full well that the best things that I've ever written are all on this blog, and these jobs (apart from the first one) certainly aren't likely to take much stock in a sex blog. Needless to say, it's not something I'm freely mentioning in every application. I'm meant to be anonymous, for one thing. But there are plenty of humorous, thoughtful, erotic, and just plain daft entries in this blog for anyone's perusal. I like that, but it's not getting me anywhere financially. Then again, it was never supposed to, and that's why I've never freely advertised or put up epileptic flashing ad banners or massive adverts for porn or sex toy sites. It's just annoying that all my best writing is anonymous and some of the things in my portfolio are frankly quite shit.

So, yes. This is a bit disappointing. No high-powered, attached and positive Innocent Loverboy achieved over the space of a month. But at least I've managed to write some of my favourite ever posts this month, plus I had a fantastic time with the CCK social. I also did a musical thingy the other day which is part of my "IRL" perona, so I won't mention it here. And I have enjoyed the ad-hoc work so far. I've had some amusig conversations today with 47 concerning his new love interest. Plus I had a cool night out in London for the young raver's birthday. So - in some ways - I've been enjoying myself this month.

And when it comes down to it... isn't that what really matters?