Review: Durex Sweet Strawberry Lube

Okay. Let's get this out of the way as soon as the subject becomes apparent: I don't need to use a lube. We're both in our twenties and rather sexually able, if I do say so myself. The use of this lube was for pleasure. So please bear that in mind while you read this review...

We tried the Durex Sweet Strawberry Lube in stages, during foreplay and full sex, and so here's a systematic analysis, and by 'systematic' I actually mean 'in vague stages I've picked from my page of notes according to very vague memory'.

Initial
Okay, well, the bottle says strawberry. It's got a picture of some strawberries on it. Fair enough. And from the moment you open the bottle, it's very apparent that this is going to be strawberry. The scent is certainly strawberry-esque, to the tune of the fact that "very (straw)berry" would be a much better name. Yes, it's overpowering. In fact, it's everywhere, and that's from the first squirt. Okay, well, they got that part right.
I also tasted some of it. It states very clearly on the side of the bottle that it's edible but it's not a food, and that you should keep it out of the reach of children. But then again, if it's in the reach of children, then what are you doing even owning this, eh? I'd think that if you're smart enough to buy something labelled "Durex" then you'd at least keep it well hidden if kids are likely to be around, right?
Anyway, taste. Well, ironically, it tastes a bit like Calpol - and I'm not talking of the really nice Calpol for under-5s that tastes vaguely of something-but-I'm-not-sure-what, but is delicious. I'm talking of the Calpol for older kids which also advertises that it's strawberry flavoured. Complete with bitter aftertaste. Yes, it's strawberry. But it's strong, too strong, and masks all other tastes that come during sex. Or all other tastes too. I took a sip of orange squash and even that tasted like strawberry medicine. At which point we moved on to...

Fellatio
TD's never given a blowjob to a penis that's covered in lube before. To be honest, that doesn't exactly surprise me. She's a great believer in getting the whole package when seeing to, er, my package - and that includes my own musk, impossible as that sounds to me (I've never found myself that intoxicating in any case). The strawberry is nice, she says, but it's all wrong, as she'd rather taste me than some synthetic fruit. I sort of see her point of view here, as I like her taste.
It's also incredibly slippery, this lube. Practically water at some points. So it'd be great if you like that kind of handjob. But my penis, unlike the rest of me, isn't really that sensitive, so I like a bit of friction for maximum pleasure. Here, it wasn't even an option. I got strawberry scent and a wet feeling, and that's about all. Don't get me wrong, it was a nice rub and a great blowjob - they always are - but it just seemed a little wrong.

Cunnilingus
Which is why I feel guilty about this one, because I barely got started before I had to stop. The taste was far too strong, and I'd only added a tiny bit of the lube before I took my first experimental lick. I had to back off and shuddered a bit before recovering and trying again. I could taste strawberry which I couldn't get rid of, but I couldn't taste girl. It was too much. And worse, it didn't feel like a vagina any more - not even a wet one. Again, it was too runny. I had to stop. Boy, did I feel guilty.

Sex
In case I haven't mentioned this one before, it's slippery. With sex, it does allow for an easy and fluid motion, which is nice, I suppose. It's just that I still fail to see the point of a lot of extra lube if the lady that you're entering is already pretty wet. There's also a lack of feeling here, unlike with the sensation lubes that Durex do, such as Feel or Tingle. At points it was like I was having sex with my girlfriend, but if I closed my eyes I doubt I'd have noticed the difference between her and a bucket of warm water with strawberry flavouring added. Really.
We eventually switched positions and I'll say this: doggie style felt a lot better. I like this position anyway, and it felt great. But whether or not that's because in that position there's more of a grip around the penis...
In any case, as this point I came. And I really don't think the lube helped with that. At all. If we'd continued in the missionary position, I'd have really had to work for maximum pleasure, and if I'm going to put in a lot of effort during sex, it has to be because I want to - right?

Other
Despite the fact that it's extremely runny, it's very sticky afterwards. If you're lying in a post-coital afterglow haze, the last thing you want is to have the urge to get up and wash becuase there's a glue-like substance on your hands and sexy bits. But we did.
And the strawberry doesn't go away after you lock the bottle and put it back into the Durex bag underneath the bed (or wherever you put your stuff). It stays, it permeates. It defines what happens afterwards, whether you want to sleep, read or watch Glee in bed. You will have strawberry and it will be everywhere. You don't have a choice in the matter.
I'm not entirely sure the gimmick is completely justified, either. Yes, it's an OK gimmick, what with it being spring and all, but that's the thing. People may buy this merely because it's spring and that means picnicin' weather. But I think for a really enjoyable lube, the formula should be a little different. Unless you're in desperate need of extra moisture, in which case use some standard lube.

So, in conclusion: runny, sticky, tastes far too strong, leaves a bitter aftertaste. Even if you like strawberries, Durex do better 'taste' lubes, so I'd go for one of them if you're looking for something different. Sorry, people!