Wednesday, March 31, 2010

On the dangers of leaving your iPhone in public

Young raver left his iPhone on the table when going away to play a round of pool with Mane.

This was an incredibly stupid thing to do, as Hairy Friend demontsrated by instantly picking up the iPhone and deciding to find out how it worked. Luckily for the young raver, he stopped short of taking the thing apart. But he did find this:

I wanna fuck you up the bum
I wanna fuck you like your mum
Wanna pull your hair
And shake your pear
I wanna spunk up your nose
And buy you new clothes

...and so it went on.

So, yes, a poem about sex set in badly-scanning rhyming couplets. And yet he still hadn't returned. Fortunately (well, fortunately for us, anyway), Hairy Friend subsequently discovered a way to add new lines using the iPhone's note-taking function. And hilarity ensued. Take this classic, for instance, courtesy of Robinson and Mane's younger brother:

I'll make you cum
And I'll do it clitoral
I'm not fakin'
I mean that literal

And from me:

Let my battering ram
Into your wallet of ham

And from TD:

Gonna fill you up
Like in "2 girls 1 cup"

And even from Hairy Friend:

Want to suck on your brows
As we do it like cows

Yes, really.

Towards the end of the night TD and I decided to go home early so we could have sex (natch). However, there was only one possible topic of conversation that we could have employed during our walk home.

"How about," she said gleefully, "your arse is going to bruise when we do it with shoes?"
"You're on fire!" I replied. And, as we stolled along, into my phone it duly went.

So I could text it to Robinson for him to add, obviously.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Pleased to meet you.

In a state of half-delirium on the Tube (it may have been work, or then again, it may have been a large amount of drugs - but since I don't recall taking that many drugs, I'm going to go with work), I noticed a couple sitting opposite me. Something about them transfixed me. I was quite blatantly staring, in fact, and I think I scared the guy, but to hell with that - he was... well... me.

Okay, before you go and find something more interesting to read, let me point out that this isn't a post about seeing myself in the window and thinking that I look different. That sort of stuff tends to lead to poetry. In this case, there was a guy sitting opposite me who looked exactly like me with deliberate mistakes here and there. His face was fuller, his shoulders were broader, he had more stubble and curlier hair (my hair is curly, but his was curly short; mine only curls when long) - oh, and he was in a Starbucks uniform - but his facial structure was the same, his hands were basically mine and he wore the same expression I wear when on the Tube. The one that says, "yes, I'm here, so what?... so are you."

But what struck me was his girlfriend.

Okay, she didn't actually look like my girlfriend. She was an East Asian with long, shiny black hair. But she wore square glasses, and the expressions she had on her face... well, I knew those expressions so well. And her eyes. Her eyes were my girlfriend's. The way they looked and even moved. Of course, the fact that this girl then put her head on her boy's shoulder and closed those eyes clinched it.

Was I looking at an alternative me? The me where I actually got that job at Starbucks and had nothing else to go back to post-university? The one with the Oriental girlfriend, hair makeover, cool coat, scrappy trousers and clearly more money than sense, despite working at Starbucks (he had a bag from Harrods)? I mean, they just seemed so familiar. So... me.

My iPod switched randomly to Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles. As not-me put his head down to rest on not-my-girlfriend's, the music swelled into my head. And maybe a little into my life, as well.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

These be heroines

"I write a sex blog too," I finally managed to say, "and it's because of you, mostly, that influenced me to... to start writing it. And that's really helped me express my sexuality."

I clutched the crisp, new, signed copy of Belle's Best Bits to my chest. Belle, having pressed it into my hand a few moments earlier, looked at me and smiled. Shamefully, I can't remember exactly what she said in response, but it was overwhelmingly positive.

It seems a strange thing to do, book £10 tickets to see a former call girl speak... to a Times journalist... at the Oxford Literary Festival. Whatever rule you want to apply, it doesn't exactly add up. But it worked. India Knight was a very good arbitrator (even if TD didn't like her shoes), the marquee was lovely and warm and bright, and the house was about as near full as you could get. Belle - or "Brooke", if you prefer - was frank, funny and sharp as a tack. Amid the intermittent bursts of laughter from the audience, many questions were asked, and answered. Including one of mine, in fact.

Plus there were the bingo cards (originally developed by Furry Girl, IIRC) that a few of us got to fill out every time a reference came up. Er, including me, again. Scratching the boxes with my nails for want of a pen. As I managed to get seven of them, despite not being in a row, that won me a signed book. Hey, I'm not complaining.

As I left the marquee, there was a generally uplifting feeling settling down upon that part of Oxford. Journalists were scratching notes into notebooks. H was texting me to tell me she was jealous. TD, clutching my right arm, was positively radiant, and I - a little starstruck but trying not to let it show - was absolutely buoyant.

But the real star of the afternoon was Belle. After a rather random weekend of must-have-it-now sex, watching The Big Bang Theory and feeling refined at eating tea and cake at a festival about intelligent writing, watching her speak was the most perfect, and most grand, grand finale.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Sexy Woman | Cassidey

Cassidey was born and raised in Denver, Colorado, but headed west soon after her eighteenth birthday to try hardcore. Her pouty, thick-lipped good looks are complemented by a wonderfully curvaceous frame and dazzling eyes. In 1999, Cassidey turned up in a string of raunchy outings.

Height: 5'6 | Scenes: 36 | Weight: 105
Eyes: blue | Sizes: 34C-27-32 | Hair: black
Sign: Capricorn









Sexy & Cute Paris Hilton


Paris Whitney Hilton, born on 17 February 1981 New York, is the oldest of four children of Richard Hilton and Kathy Richards. Her younger sister Nicky Hilton and her younger brothers are Barron Hilton II and Conrad Hilton III. His paternal grandparents are hotel chairman Barron Hilton and his wife, Marilyn Hawley; Hilton father of great-grandparents were Hilton Hotels founder Conrad Hilton and his first wife, Mary Barron. Fortune is the inheritor of the participation of Hilton and true happiness, wealth and her father Richard Hilton. The fate of his family, has been estimated at not less than 6 billion dollars.

Hilton attracted worldwide attention and is passed to fame, when the old home-made sex video of Hilton with her then-boyfriend Rick Salomon was a leak on the Internet in late 2003, just one week before the premiere of Fox Reality's The Simple Life. Exemption tape, later titled 1 Night in Paris (2004), met with acclaim in the world and contributed to the success of The Simple Life reality Hilton Fox.










Wednesday, March 17, 2010

SIMI - Ready to serve all men

Simi Vallee, Sara, Perla, Valery, Olivia, Arwyn, Simi Anderson
Birthday: July 17, 1987
Astrology: Cancer
Birthplace: Prague, Czech Republic
Years Active: 2005-2009 (Started around 18 years old)
Ethnicity: Caucasian
Nationality/Heritage: Czech
Hair Colors: Brown/Red
Measurements: 34D-27-38
Height 5 feet, 4 inches (163 cm)










Sunny Leone loose woman

You only get one chance to make a debut," says Ms. Leone. "Prior to taking this step, I was working on my website and had come to realize that it was time for me to start acting."
She was interviewed by Jane magazine for a story about being Indian and in the acting business, which she entered at age 18. Sunny Leone's breakthrough role came in "Sunny Loves Matt," in 2007 where she shed her women-only rule in videos by appearing with then fiance, Matt Erickson.

Height: 5'4 | Scenes: 33 | Weight: 110 | Eyes: brown
Sizes: 34C-24-34 | Hair: black | Sign: Taurus










Sunny Leone Clip


Brea Lynn sexy woman from entertainment man

Satisfaction is the most beautiful thing in an intimate relationship.
I really like the man who has power in relation to bed.

Height: 5'2 | Scenes: 9 | Weight: 100 | Eyes: blue
Sizes: 32DD-24-34 | Hair: blonde | Sign: Gemini











Brea Lynn Movie